I’m not your bro

Dude, bro, mate, pal… whenever I read posts in gaming communities, like Steam for example, I stumble across forms of address like this. While this gives written text a more colloquial and real-life conversational touch, there’s one specific problem: They all imply that the addressed person is male. This phenomenon stems from gaming communities having been male-dominated for decades, that it is assumed that everybody is male unless it is absolutely obvious that a person isn’t. Female gamers with rather gender neutral looking profiles who don’t state that they are female are simply assumed as male. With an ever increasing share of women in gaming communities this creates a problem.

If you are male you have probably never thought about this but as a woman it is quite obvious. Being a woman and addressed as “dude” or “bro” is quite awkward. And it doesn’t provide any feeling of inclusion. It clearly shows that “this is a male space”. By default people are assumed to be male. If your profile doesn’t scream “pink” or other feminine stereotypes you are invisible as a woman while men are always visible as men. The problem with that is also that if you try to make sure that everybody knows your gender people think you are looking for attention. And considering how toxic male-dominated communities in the internet often are towards women it’s not even always the best advice to make your female gender known. Which of course confirms the impression of a male-only environment. A vicious circle. Toxicity because of male dominance and male dominance because of toxicity, even if this dominance isn’t as real as everybody assumes. But if women keep quiet and don’t want to be judged because of their gender the situation will not change and the reasons why women are judged because of their gender keep existing.

I often wondered: Should I correct people if they address me as something like “dude”, “bro” or simply “he”? Most of the time I decided against it just because it was the easier way. I didn’t want to confront the person with it, didn’t want to make a fuzz, I didn’t want to lose any of my assumed (male) credibility and I didn’t want to be a sudden target of harassment, either because I “made my gender the topic” or because I simply was visibly a woman. But isn’t that sad? Isn’t it sad how women have to think about stuff like this while male community members never ever have to in the slightest? Their gender isn’t invisible and their gender is never a topic. Women can only seem to exist in these two extremes, either being invisible and conforming to male standards or being a center of aggressive, sexual or simply unwanted attention. How a “dude” would probably say: “This sucks balls.”

But what can be the solution? My only guess is visibility above all else. If more and more women are present in gaming communities and they choose to be visible as such it won’t take long (maybe a couple of years) until the once male-dominated communities stop being male-dominated and women stop being a curiosity or “gril”, like some male players call girls and women pejoratively when they realize they are encountering “an actual female” like they are from outer space. So, while it will surely instill some level of discomfort in those “pioneering” women it will certainly help all women in gaming in the long run. Be visible, be proud and help ending the “bro culture” in gaming. And to the male readers: Please stop assuming everybody around you is male. There’s absolutely no need to use gender-specific terms in internet conversations. Avoiding such terms shows that you think inclusive with all genders in mind.